So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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