dude i'm inner monologue high
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
