So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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