Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
