I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
