This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
