Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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