Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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