I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Randomize
