I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
