it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Damn victory sex feels great
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
