Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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