i just had sex bonerless
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
