My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
