I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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