Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
