so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
