youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
