Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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