What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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