that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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