3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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