ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
