Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I need a beard to bite.
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