I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
