i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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