He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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