kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
