my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
