ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
