Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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