alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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