I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
