I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
