this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
