Little spoons don't ask big questions
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
