i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
