Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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