Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
