Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
