dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I want her autograph on my taint
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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