Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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