will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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