Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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