Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
