if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
