summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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