We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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