no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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