I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
