Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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