this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
