he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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