it wasn't lemon gatorade
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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