dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
