I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
