i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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