I hope mine doesn't look like that
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
