if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
